I’ve been in the middle of negotiating a contract over the past week and today we had our third meeting.

In our earlier meetings we sat across a big conference table from each other. But today as we entered the conference room I said, “Let’s sit next to each other”.

His response? “Wow, by sitting next to each other this will be a lot less adversarial”.

My thinking exactly!

In my mind, I was approaching the negotiations as if we were on the same team. My decision to hire him was already made. I knew that together we were going to decide on terms that we both liked. So, we sat next to each other as if we were already working together.

I didn’t come to our meeting thinking “I’m going to win this one by getting everything I want”. I showed up with some twists in mind that made it possible for both of us to leave with a signed contract. Terms that surprised and pleased him.

His response? “This worked out great and I’m going to steal your ideas to use with my other clients.”

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

***

A boilerplate contract is just that. It’s a place to start … it is not the ending. It may seem black and white – that’s the nature of the typewritten word on paper – but sometimes outcomes are best found in what’s not written. Terms can be re-written, new language can be introduced, making for a far less confrontational negotiation.

What techniques have you used to make negotiations less adversarial?

No related posts.

My friend Joe Griffith, The Action Dude, who knows a ton about building successful businesses, recently commented on a post I wrote. He said,

“…you don’t get what you don’t ask for! The world is full of *guessers* and *askers*…the askers usually get what they want.”

Joe was replying to a post where I asked you to vote for me as Rookie Blogger of the Year.

His comment was an excellent one.

Most of you know that I love being in business and I love to negotiate. Sometimes I practically live for it. For any negotiation or business transaction to succeed, you’ve got to ask for what you want. People don’t (and most can’t) read minds.

Your success depends on getting good at asking for the business without feeling guilty, embarrassed or unworthy. Here are some tips to get you over the hurdle of asking for the money (or for someone’s business, time, partnership, support, etc.):

Fake it ‘til you make it. Act like you’re confident in yourself and others will have confidence in you. A steady, firm voice, professional dress and businesslike mannerisms can all show confidence… with practice. If you know someone who absolutely exudes confidence, pretend you are them until you begin to feel more natural with your own style.

Expect a yes. As simple as this sounds, it really works. Assume the person will agree with you. Why not? With your confident attitude, they’ve already bought into what you are selling – whether you realize it or not. You sell yourself before you sell anything else.

You gotta know you’re good. Isn’t it a rip off to let someone go somewhere else for less service and less value? You’re really going to let them go get crappy service?

Never be apologetic. Although you may be uncomfortable for a while when asking for money or asking for business, you do not need to apologize for it. You know you are great at what you do. So, start selling what you do from a knowing place.

You are Superman. Start a descriptive narrative of what it will feel like when you’ve “arrived”. What’s it going to look like? Breathe like? Start acting like it now. There’s not a day when it’s going to just turn on – you need to be it now.

Don’t guess. As my friend Joe says, the world is full of guessers and askers… you don’t want to be a guesser. What if you expected to make a single small sale only to later find out your customer was planning to place the largest order you’ve ever received? See what I mean? Guessing will never get you anywhere.

Ask for the money. Be assumptive. Use clear, powerful language such as, “Are you paying cash or by credit?” or “Do you want this delivered to your home or office?” or “Shall we do this today or start tomorrow morning?”

“People who ask confidently get more than those who are hesitant and uncertain. When you’ve figured out what you want to ask for, do it with certainty, boldness and confidence.” – Jack Canfield

The very worst possible thing that could happen is someone says, “no.” And, as we all know, that won’t kill you.

Now, I’ll ask you to do two things! Visit this link and vote for me as Rookie Blogger of the Year, and please leave a comment below… I’d love to hear how you’re going to ask for the money today!

Related posts:

1. “What happened to 44%? We lost money!”
2. Did You Make Money When You Were a Kid?

When I was 9 or 10 years old my little sister Bernadette and I ran a lemonade stand… with a twist. OK — I finally give up — would someone help me, help me please? Is it “me and my little sister” or “my little sister and I”? You would never, ever know that my great grandmother, grandmother and mother were all English teachers. (Mom later became a lawyer.) And that I’ve read like one hundred million books or that I’m a professional writer, at least I will be on the day this blog makes some money. If you have a tip on remembering this little grammar rule, please let me know!

So, back to the story. When we were little kids my dad was transferred to a small college town in Northern Colorado. (That very same college where my great grandma, grandma and mother went! And ultimately, me.) Our big old house was across the street from the old campus dorms. We had a huge yard with a canal running through it and college kids walked by all day long.

That’s where we set up our lemonade stand. College kids don’t get homemade cookies so we decided to offer a *free* cookie with every glass of lemonade we sold. We were good cooks. We have 6 kids in our family and almost all of us cook. Soon, our cookies had a reputation and the college students were lining up down the street for more.

But… we weren’t in the cookie business… we were in the lemonade business! Until we got an idea. In order to get a cookie, you had to buy a glass of lemonade. Before we knew it, we were in the really expensive chocolate chip cookie business. It didn’t take long for the college kids (they were in college after all) to figure out that my sister and I wouldn’t budge on this. If you wanted a cookie, you bought some lemonade.

After a while the students started saying, “I’ll take 6 cookies and you can just keep the lemonade.” Our cost of goods dropped drastically and our profits skyrocketed! Here’s the thing. We knew we were being entrepreneurs at the time.

Today, I’ve been wracking my brain and asking my husband if he had any ideas on how this story would play in today’s world.

So, I have a couple of questions for you.

Did you have a business when you were a kid? And, when did you first know that you were an entrepreneur?

Do you know any kids with businesses today? And, while we’re on the topic, I’ve got a great post I wrote (if I don’t say so myself) called If Your Kid Started a New Business, What Would It Be?

Check it out.

You know, these stories can help inspire kids to start a business. Heck, they can inspire adults too! So, please share!

And my other question is, what ideas can we get from the lemonade stand I ran with my sister?

OK, ready? It’s your turn. Let’s hear your stories or ideas in the comments below!

Oh! If you haven’t done so already, subscribe by email to bigfishtopdogs.com over on the right sidebar of this blog… you’ll be the first to receive new posts hot off the press!

Related posts:

1. “What happened to 44%? We lost money!”
2. Let’s assume for a minute that you’re in business to make money

Posted by Guest Entrepreneur Gail Hahn

I was on the Ivory Coast of Africa while facilitating team building and communication style workshops with members from 34 different African nations who all worked for the same international organization. Bringing some semblance of order, cultural understanding, corporate culture adherence and just plain getting your point across was no small feat.

The main point was that what we think of as ‘right’ may only be cultural. What we think of as ‘right’ is based on our beliefs and our values. The way we think and behave is based upon what we learned from our parents, society, supervisors and general socialization. We can take this further in business and in life by saying what we think of as the right thing to do may be based upon regional, national, familial, political, gender specific, religious or corporate cultural norms.

We can take this to personal relationships and how we run our families and households, to how we celebrate traditions or how we offer ourselves to the world. We see this play out in corporate culture not only among different nationalities, but in every single individual and the ideologies and work ethics they bring to the workplace. The clash between Baby Boomers, Traditionalists and the New Generation X and Y’s is a classic example of who holds what important and how they get things done.

Blending your personal cultural values with your corporate culture, or even if it’s your personal corporation for entrepreneurs, can be a tricky minefield. When you catch yourself saying “they should” or “he shouldn’t” or “that’s a stupid rule”, you may need to take a fresh perspective on the situation. Whenever you hear the words ‘should’ come out of your mouth, it’s a red flag that you’re in somebody else’s business or placing your way of ‘right’ onto somebody or something else.

Managing the ‘rightness’ of how things are done in your partnership, in your work, with your coach, in your family or in moving through the world takes awareness that your ‘right’ may not be somebody else’s ‘right’.  Seeing the world through a different pair of eyes gives us a new perspective. Even if that someone else is a new and improved you.

After working with coaches, I am continually gaining new insight and new perspective on how I do my life and my work. I find where I once saw the ‘right’ line, is now a more flexible noodle of a line. It’s softer, more flexible, more gray and movable. I find myself saying, “isn’t that an interesting way to look at things?” much more often. Who is coaching you to take a look at what’s right or what doesn’t work in your life and in your business? Is your ‘right line’ bold, straight and immovable or does it have some play or is it open for discussion?

I invite you to be more open and aware of different ‘rights’ that pop into your life and take a gander, then ask yourself, “who says it’s right?”

Related posts:

1. 30 Tips to Becoming a Great Leader
2. You Are Not Your Ego — It’s An Illusion

OK… I’m going to write an article this morning that you can call self indulgent — on my part. Go ahead, leave me a comment. Rants are something I indulge in infrequently.

This is in reply to an email I received this morning… there’s hopefully a lesson in it for all of us. It certainly reinforces my belief than when sending an email message less is more.

I love email, especially in business. But, my number one rule is, “Say as little as possible while still communicating what needs to be said.”

The only long, drawn out emails should be from the other guy. Those are great. I say little and make my point, the other guy says a lot and exposes himself — in writing.

When I feel compelled to write a long email (whether I’m upset, have some explaining to do or I am bothered by something), I sit down and write fast and furiously. I let it all hang out. I put it in a drafts folder to be read again at a later time. Then I delete it.

Delete the message.

Delete the message.

The email I received this morning was from a prospective tenant for a rental property I have on the market. It was long email. I showed the family the property two days ago and I will say this, it was nice of him to follow-up by email. (I won’t publish his email.)

On the other hand, please note your comments below are public. And those emails you send every day can easily be published.

Let’s analyse:

He tells me he’s currently paying $1,400 per month. But he wants to pay me $1,300. So basically, the guy has told me he cannot afford the rent he’s paying today.

He’s blaming the decision on his girls (they are “not excited about moving”) – these are the same girls who argued with their mother about how, yes, their furniture would fit nicely (TV goes here, couches and love seats go there), and the same girls who had each picked out their own bedrooms. They gave a valiant pitch for signing a lease today.

He’s put himself in the position of being the expert when it comes to renting properties (although he doesn’t own a single property) by advising me against accepting his “unthinkable” offer of $1,300.

How nice of him to consider me.

Did I mention yet that the rental amount is $1,750?

He’s risked insulting me by stating I probably wouldn’t go that low with rent even if he were related to the Obama’s… I might actually be a Republican. (He mentioned Bob Villa too… who’s Bob Villa?)

He states he won’t get his “bang for the buck”. Hmmmmm… open to interpretation.

And, he implied (twice) that he may be the only good renter candidate out there. Good luck finding a guy like him.

I’ll say this; there has been some entertainment value in all of this.

In a decade of buying, selling, flipping and renovating single family and multi-family properties, this is the first guy who has tried so diligently to negotiate and maneuver.

Did I tell you he’s a cop?

Maybe this is part of his training.  Document, document, document.

The lesson here…

Why tell me any of this? A simple, “Can’t afford the rent” would have sufficed (rather than looking like a complete idiot).

See what I mean about saying way too much?

Delete the message.

Go ahead and leave your comment.

Related posts:

1. The Art of Negotiation

Entrepreneurs know that understanding common negotiation tactics is good business. Having a good understanding of the strategies that can be used by you or on you is necessary to becoming a skilled negotiator.

Negotiation is usually a part of any deal or transaction and it must be a strong part of your game. In this article we present some ideas that will give you an opportunity to look at negotiation in an entirely new way and will give you a better basis for playing the negotiation game. It will help you work on your business psychology and to become a more skilled entrepreneur and negotiator.

Everything’s negotiable

The first rule to negotiation is, always, “everything’s negotiable”. There are many negotiating strategies and tactics, but if you don’t get rule number one, those strategies won’t apply because you will not be doing much, if any, negotiating. You must believe that everything is negotiable. For example, I recently asked my phone company to throw in a couple of free months phone service because I had been a customer for a number of years. They said yes. Had I not asked, I would not have received the bonus months.

In most deals multiple items can and should be negotiated. In a purchase of a mid-size apartment building I negotiated several items before we would close the deal. The seller carried a large, unsecured note on the property, gave us a seller credit for repairs, which bought us a new roof, asphalt and sidewalks, and they accepted a significantly lower purchase price. Whether a deal is small or large, most people and companies are willing to negotiate.

Be willing to walk from the deal

The second rule to negotiation is you must be willing to walk from the deal, and the other party must believe it. That means you need to believe it. If you’re buying a new house, for example, and you’ve completely fallen in love with it, you absolutely must have it, negotiations will not be as successful. If you must have the house or property, use a “partner” as the one who could do without. In this instance you could say, “I doubt my partner will agree to that. He doesn’t really want this particular house that bad. I’ll ask him.” In either case, the other party must know, without a doubt, that you are willing to walk from the deal with zero regrets.

Once you have these two rules down, it is pretty much smooth sailing from here. But, you’ve got to believe rule #1 and rule #2. This is non-negotiable (in spite of rule #1).

Be able to set aside a single issue as you work towards an agreement

Use your people skills, no need to be pushy. Negotiations can and should be about people. Take your time. Find out what motivates the other party through conversation, questions and listening. Ask yourself, “What does each party need to accomplish?” This will give you an opportunity to navigate towards a solution where each party realizes their desired goal (ideally). You might say, “Let’s sit down and talk and see if we can come to a mutually beneficial agreement.”

This is an important strategy to fully understand. Let’s say from our example above, that the seller of the house you looked at had already told you he would accept nothing less than a full price offer. Rather than let this kill the deal, your goal will be to say, “Let’s put that aside and see if we can agree on everything else.” There are still many scenarios where the seller could get his full price but not in the way he might be seeing right now. For example, you could end up negotiating a seller credit for repairs, or the seller could carry back a small second. In both cases, he could still get the full asking price, or close to it, but the actual dollar amounts would be categorized at closing as something other than the purchase price.

You’ll have to do better than that

This is a simple and effective strategy. When the offer is made, you simply reply, “You’ll have to do better than that.” This is particularly effective when the other party clearly realizes that you are not desperate to get the deal done and are, in fact, willing to walk. The key here is to make your statement and then stop talking! Give the other party an opportunity to negotiate against themselves and make a better offer.

The High Low Game

There are many negotiation strategies. Some, such as the High Low game, are old and frankly, unnecessarily confrontational. You start low, the other party starts high, and hopefully, you meet somewhere in the middle. This is generally not an effective strategy. It’s a game where the focus is solely on the money and all other elements of negotiation are set aside. It’s a game of chicken which is time consuming and can even damage the relations between the parties. There may be issues of more significant value to both parties when the simple dollar amounts are removed from the negotiations.

When to quit

If the other party refuses to negotiate further, and you have not reached an acceptable deal, always remember you can walk away and come back later. You could offer to resubmit an offer in a week, or a month. This accomplishes a number of things. It reinforces rule #2 (you are willing to walk from the deal), it provides a break from negotiations and gives both parties an opportunity to think about what they’ve brought to the table so far, and it allows for some distance, helping you to reevaluate your desire to see the deal through to completion.

Related posts:

1. Entrepreneur… a mindset more than anything