“Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves.” — Carl Jung

My husband loves attending seminars – of all kinds. Business seminars, personal growth weekends, networking events; over the years he’s introduced me to some life changing experiences. (Thanks Richard.)

I remember in the early years of our marriage, he wanted me to attend a personal growth seminar. I dug in my heels and said, “No, you can go to this one without me.” My gut reaction was that it was some kind of cult… after all what kind of group keeps you working 18 hours straight in a hotel room with a bunch of strangers? It sounded like a serious sleep deprivation technique–with the ultimate goal of brainwashing the participants.

Ultimately I attended my own session. Then I went on to participate in almost every other seminar they offered… with my husband. We did ropes courses, mountain climbing, solo overnight camping and team exercises based on pure trust… it was amazing.

I’ve been thinking lately about another event we attended together.

During the event we were asked,

“What if, when you react to someone in a judgmental manner, you’re doing it because the other person is mirroring something about yourself you’d really rather avoid?”

Our host introduced the idea that when we have someone in our life who truly irritates us, our higher self just might have been the one who invited the other person to show up and push our buttons. What would Jung think of this?

He suggested we look at this as a gift from the other person and as an opportunity to see something in ourselves we might be avoiding.

Here’s an example.

Your results really bother me.

Have you ever reacted to someone’s success in a judgmental way? It’s easy to fall into that trap. It’s easy to say, “Well sure those numbers are great, but I would never do what he’s doing”.

Instead, why not stop and ask, “What is it about the other person’s success really bothers me?

Perhaps the other person is doing nothing wrong… just going about things in a way you don’t embrace. So what is it about the other guy’s success? Does he or she work harder? Are they doing a ton of marketing? Do they have a better product? Are they making more money?

Is it because they are promoting themselves at every opportunity… and you don’t? Hmmm. Maybe it’s time to think, “Why not promote the heck out of myself?”

We have a golden opportunity to learn from our reaction to other people. And we can choose to see our response to the other guy as a gift.

Your turn. What pushes your buttons? Where do you see an opportunity to learn from the stuff that really irritates you? Who can’t you stand, and why? What annoys you… and what can you learn about yourself from it?

Related posts:

1. You… Just Like Clark Kent. Glasses… No Glasses.

“A designer knows he has achieved perfection not when there is nothing left to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.” — Antoine de Saint-Exupéry

We are elegant when we are:

Dignified in our behavior.

Succinct in our communication.

Fair in our description of others.

Simple in our problem solving.

Graceful in our acceptance of others.

Gentle.

Creative in our approach or perspective.

Introspective before we react.

Collaborative versus competitive.

Honest about our mistakes.

Humble.

Unadorned.

A good friend.

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Elegance is a seduction. It is a grace of style. Of being in a way that attracts rather then repels.

What would you add to this list?

Related posts:

1. Kick the But: Big Blue Monsters That Hold You Back
2. Happy Holidays! A Wish For the New Year

Today I’m launching my new eCourse, Smart Tips For Getting A Mentor.

You can get this FREE 7 part email series by visiting this link.

Here’s an interesting story.

My mentoring eCourse has been on the drawing board for about 3 months. All the parts were ready to assemble — but I just wasn’t getting to it. It’s an important project to me because it supports the launch of my digital book, 7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor.

Every Thursday I mastermind with some great internet marketers. Call it a small brainstorming group. Last week I was seriously talking myself out of attending the call because I am swamped with my real estate business right now.

But a little voice in my head was saying, “Go to the call, amazing things always happen.”

So, I hopped on the call and not only did these guys help me flesh out my strategies for this project (you guys rock!) I ended up committing to getting this project done this week.

So here it is. All done. Let me know what you think!

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If this story intrigues you, you are going to love the Mastermind Coaching program I’m getting ready to launch. Stay tuned. Masterminding has played a critical role in my success and it can help you play a bigger game. You can get support that will knock your socks off. Sometimes you can help another person in amazing ways.

FYI … this will only be open to 15 or so participants.

If learning to mastermind has been of interest to you, let me know. You can go to the head of the line!

Related posts:

1. Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
2. Asking Someone to Mentor You and Part II of the Joel Comm Project

Today marks the first anniversary of BigFishTopDogs.com. I’d say, “I can’t believe it!” — but believe it, I do. I’d exclaim, “Wow, this year has literally flown by!” if I could make it believable.

Actually,

it seems like a million years ago when my friend Adam said, “Just start blogging, the rest will come” and I believed him. His comment propelled me to act on blind faith. I had no idea of what was ultimately to come. And frankly, I didn’t have big plans or a rock solid strategy for where I was going.

What I didn’t know, when I started, was how much I would love writing, how thrilled I would be to discover my voice, and how amazing it would be to unearth an ability to inspire by putting my thoughts down in writing.

And the biggest wonderment of all has been all of you who visit, read, comment and share.

I’ve always lived a life where I’m constantly thinking about how I can inspire others to believe differently. To change their language. To embrace action. To marvel at a shift in thinking. To hang out with motivating and inspiring people. It’s why I became a mentor and a coach.

Blogging has given me that incredible platform. It also led me to discover there are hundreds of people who feel the same as I do. I’ve gained so much from meeting all of you. A community who engages enthusiastically. With me. And, incredibly, with each other.

Thank you.

Oh! And one more thing. What marvelous and amazing things have you discovered over the past year?

(You know I love your comments!)

Related posts:

1. Feel Like Inspiring Someone Today? The Archives Challenge
2. You Want To Be An Entrepreneur? Start Today

Here’s what I mean by “challenge your underlying assumptions”.

If you think your product is going to sell simply because you want it to, chances are wishful thinking isn’t enough. If you believe a niche location will be the next new hot real estate market because you took a gamble and invested there, recall the top three words in real estate investing; location, location, location.

You can’t always impose your very good intentions on a market and make it want what you have. Don’t get me wrong; you can still help a market know what it wants, ask Apple, but I promise Apple wasn’t simply throwing darts and hoping for a bulls eye.

If you have a suspicion you haven’t properly done your homework, you probably haven’t. If you think you don’t have all the facts, you probably don’t. Be open to hearing what you don’t want to hear and be willing to course correct.

Does your product or service fulfill its performance promises? Do the numbers support its profitability? Do you know and understand your target market and/or consumer? Do you have the right team working with you?

Still not sure what I mean? Google Edsel.

How about it? Are you ready to investigate, take the extra steps, and honestly answer the difficult questions… and change accordingly?

If so, chances are you can smile all the way to the bank, just like the brilliant entrepreneurs at Apple.

No related posts.

I’m curious if you agree with my belief that we all need mentors. And, I’m wondering if you have a mentor in your life right now.

We can all benefit from having mentors in our lives – no matter who we are. Entrepreneurs, artists, musicians, athletes, students, writers, politicians, parents, business owners, teachers, bloggers, etc., can all excel with the support and guidance of a mentor. A great mentor can be the difference between success and failure.

It’s a thought for you to ponder. I just finished my digital book 7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor in response to the overwhelming volume of search engine visits I get to my series of posts on mentoring. I haven’t really launched the product yet, although you could consider this to be a sort of soft launch since I’m mentioning it in this post.

But today, what I’m really wondering about is when someone knows, theoretically, that having a mentor would be good thing, why they don’t actually have one.

If you’re working on an idea or thinking you’d really like to excel at something, why not invite a mentor into your life? I’m a mentor and I have some great mentors who work with me. Same with coaching. You gotta’ have both. Wondering what the difference is? Read this: Is There a Difference Between a Coach and a Mentor?

To me, the very best thing a mentor can do is challenge your underlying beliefs and assumptions – about your business, career, projects or plans. Frankly, they can, and will, call you on your *bull* or misguided expectations.

See what I mean by the difference between success and failure?

A mentor can share personal experiences, be a sounding board for your ideas and give new perspectives to your strategies for achieving goals.

Here’s another thing to think about. Do you remember this line from the Entrepreneurs Pledge I posted earlier in the week? “I will strive to mentor an aspiring entrepreneur.” How about it? Is there someone you can think of who has proven by their actions that they are serious about growth? Why not offer them 15-30 minutes a week and support them in their goals?

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And, speaking of inspirational people, here are some friends who absolutely deserve a nod.

Look who’s talking this week:

Stacey over at The Beginner Businesswoman used the mission statement tool I wrote about earlier in the week. She writes about her experience and shares her awesome mission statement over at her delightful blog. I gotta tell ya… Stacey may be a beginner but this girl is in action and she is one smart cookie. Do yourself a favor and read her short, powerful, post Reflection #9 Tougher. You rock Stacey!

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Janet Fish of MyDoggBlog.com fame gave Keith Davis over at EasyPublicSpeaking.com tough ‘competition’ for the top spot on my Top Commenters list this week. These guys leave awesome comments… pay them a visit! Janet sells the coolest dog bandanas (my Mom’s dog Elle never takes hers off). Keith has some wonderful, timeless posts over at his blog.

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At Newbie Lifeline, the always awesome Sheila Atwood quotes me as she answers my question, “What are the top five things you didn’t get done in 2010… and are they baggage you want to carry into 2011?” Sheila offers some inspiration with her post Have You Broken Your New Year Resolutions Already? Remember those? C’mon, it was less than three weeks ago.

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Extreme John included a post of mine in his newly refined and very first Sunday Smash of 2011. You’ll find me in the Best Business Articles from the Week section. Check out his site — John is stomping it over there.

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btw – When you visit my book site, please forgive the ‘pitchy’ page. I’m scrapping it soon and putting up a video. Soft launch, remember? You might want to check back and see how I do on video.

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And speaking of video, MyWeGal.com Deb Augur (who has been a top commenter around here for quite a while) is in the middle of a series of posts on using video online. Thinking of doing video on your site? She offers some great tips.

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I’ve missed some great folks who do a lot of commenting around here and who have mentioned me over on their sites recently. I’ve got some catching up to do.

(Comments welcome.)

Related posts:

1. 5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor
2. Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor

A girlfriend once told me “sometimes she felt she didn’t know anything everyone else didn’t already know.” At the time, it struck me as an extraordinary thing to say. It still does. I even started my about page with her comment.

My friend was wondering if she had anything new to say — or to teach. It’s kind of a heartbreaking comment when you think about it. Wow. Is this the result of the information age?

Or, was she just hanging out with the wrong crowd at the time?

This is a good thing for all of us to ask ourselves.

Maybe it’s time to start talking to some new people. People who ask, “What if?” People who know it’s not possible for everything to be known and new ideas are just waiting to be discovered.

One idea truly can be life changing.

Believing that there is so much more to know and learn can be empowering. We’ve got to hang out with people who get this. Think about the people you know who are really busy and involved with life. Who continue to learn and explore new things.

Maybe you should ask them out to lunch.

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Here’s another idea. You can talk to me — I’m totally game for a short phone call. Check out my coaching page for more info.

(Comments welcome.)

Related posts:

1. Why Are You Talking So Bad To Yourself?

Let me start this post by acknowledging my banker’s hours this morning (by this time Monday morning I’ve usually published a new post). It’s really nice to break the rules every now and then. I’m turning this week upside down on it’s head… just for the h*ll of it.

This is my week to set deadlines and finalize my schedule for my new projects and strategies over the year to come. Actually I’ve been planning the year 2011 since early 2010 when I started my blog. Now I get to implement some of those ideas.

But mostly, I’m sitting here thinking about you. I’ve been wondering about what you might want to read on this blog over the next few months. Where do you want support? Could you use some coaching or mentoring and if so, where do you need it?

I know you’re working on your goals for 2011. You’re either still planning, which is totally cool, or you’re already rockin’ and rollin’. The question is, how can I help?

Take some action today. Comments are open!

PS. – if you haven’t stopped by for a few weeks, I’ve been writing about planning for 2011. Poking around here would be a great place to start. And my archives offer a ton of ideas in the inspiration department.

PPS. ­ – watch for my free personal coaching offer in the next few weeks!

PPPS. – it’s okay to acknowledge you’re not 100% sure where you want to go in 2011. Doing nothing is not cool.

Related posts:

1. 6 Useful Tips on Setting Goals and Priorities – Are You Ready to Set Goals You’ll Achieve?
2. Out With 2010: Hello 2011

Last week a friend of mine was trying to decide if she wanted to hire a coach. I could tell she had pretty much decided against it by the way she was talking. The cost was partly the issue and she wasn’t sure if she needed a coach because she had several mentors who she could call on at virtually any time. Because of the nature of her business these mentors actually had a vested interest in her success. When she makes money, they make money.

She’s extremely successful in her business but she felt she had reached a plateau in her growth. So, was a mentor the answer — or a coach? It’s a good question.

What is the difference between a coach and a mentor?

The Role of a Mentor:

A mentor is a role model. A mentor will assist you in your growth by being a friend and a confident. They are excellent at turning you on to new resources. They will help you with networking and can provide ‘warm’ introductions to other people in your field. A mentor is typically a colleague who acts as a sounding board for your chosen career or field.

Mentors often act as consultants in a two-way mutually beneficial relationship. They can be paid or unpaid for their time. Mentors will help challenge your underlying assumptions about your current business or goals and often perform the role of devil’s advocate. Mentors can let you know about potential mistakes or blunders you can make in your business by sharing the mistakes they’ve already made, either personally or by other colleagues in their field.

The Role of a Coach:

A coach will help you focus on specific performance and guide you in improving your performance. Ask a top athlete if he or she has a coach and the answer will most likely be yes. A coach will help you hold yourself accountable, to practice and refine your skill sets and to fill critical gaps in your psychology. They know the unwritten rules of success.

A coach will help move you through the achievement of your goals by helping you stay on track with time management. A coach can be your cheering on section, someone who helps you with self-discovery and assists in finding motivation to accomplish goals. They will help you break free of self-imposed limitations so you can realize your true potential and gifts. Coaches are usually a paid relationship.

If you are not sure if a coach is right for you, please visit my post on Is Coaching for You? (click the link).

If you are looking for a mentor, I have a lot of articles on this site that will help you find a mentor and provide strategies for working with a mentor. You can also get my book 7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor by visiting this link.

I’ve been a coach and a mentor for a long time but more importantly I’ve had coaches and mentors for years… I firmly believe you cannot grow without the support of both in your life.

If you have any questions about whether a coach or a mentor is right for you, please leave them in the comments below – I always reply to comments!

Oh! If you haven’t done so already, subscribe by email to bigfishtopdogs.com over on the right sidebar of this blog… you’ll be the first to receive new posts hot off the press!

Related posts:

1. Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
2. Asking Someone to Mentor You and Part II of the Joel Comm Project

When I came across Blog Action Day on the Web yesterday, I wasn’t immediately sure I would participate. First of all it’s really short notice. Secondly, how would I write about clean water and keep on topic with my blog’s message at the same time?

Then I discovered Imagine H20, and everything fell into place.

An opportunity to talk about innovation, entrepreneurship and clean water in the same breath.

First a little information on Blog Action Day (@blogactionday): BAD2010 is an annual event that unites the world’s bloggers in posting about the same issue on the same day. This year’s focus is clean water.

I’ve decided to write about an inspiring team with a focus on solving water problems through an entrepreneurial approach.

Imagine H20, a not-for-profit company, was started by a group of entrepreneurs at Harvard Business School to support collaborative efforts from public and private sectors by hosting prize competitions for water innovation.

“We saw the world’s water crisis as an opportunity for new ideas, new businesses, and new ways to help people and the planet. We just couldn’t figure out what to do about it.”

What can we as entrepreneurs learn from Imagine H20? A lot. Read what they have to say about their beginnings:

“We were surprised to find it hard to answer some basic questions any entrepreneur should know – what does the water market look like in dollars?  What problems need solving?  Which of those are the best commercial opportunities?  Who should we connect with for help, advice, and partnership?”

The questions are brilliant. If a group of leaders at Harvard Business School find these questions challenging, it’s no surprise we do too.

But ask them we must. These are the perfect questions to ask yourself when starting out… before you invest mega dollars and time on a venture that might not pan out. And while I’m really tempted to dissect each one here (I will if you ask me to), I encourage you to make note of them, read each one carefully and act or course correct as necessary.

We can also learn from their mission and vision statements which are remarkable in their clarity and simplicity:

“Our mission is to inspire & empower people to solve water problems. Our vision is to turn water problems into opportunities.”

I’ve rarely seen such perfectly written mission & vision statements. Writing these statements can be an elusive challenge at best. Try it. You’ll do well to use these as a model for your own!

OK… I know, I know. I’ve strayed somewhat from the idea behind BAD2010, which is to focus on a single important issue. I tend to get off track when I start talking about entrepreneurship done brilliantly. In this case, of course, it was intentional, but still…

So, let’s talk bout clean water… and the rest of the story.

Imagine 2010 was created as “as a launch-pad for water innovation to the world”. This is a prize competition to help entrepreneurs develop businesses that address critical water needs world wide.

They offer both cash prizes and incubator programs (another brilliant strategy that includes business plan coaching, mentoring, consulting and networking for new entrepreneurs). The deadline for this year’s entries is November 15, 2010.

You can check out future Imagine H20 prizes here.  These include prizes for innovation, youth innovation, policy and developing world.

“You ain’t gonna miss your water ’til your well runs dry.” – Bob Marley

Almost a billion people on the planet don’t have access to clean, safe drinking water.  In honor of the cause, here’s some things you can do to help today. Start a fundraising campaign or directly donate to help people in need by visiting this site. To learn more about Blog Action Day, watch this video:

Blog Action Day 2010: Water from Blog Action Day on Vimeo.

What actions, ideas or thoughts do you have around clean water? Or, about innovative business ideas? Please share in the comments below!

Related posts:

1. 8 Secrets To Delegating Tasks and Empowering Your Team
2. Starting a New Business: Where Oh Where Do You Begin?

First of all, let’s agree on this. You can start a new business. Any business. The sky’s the limit. You can do it.

I’ve been exactly where you are now. In fact, every time I start a new business, I find myself in the exact same place again.

I know what it feels like to be intimidated by the idea of starting a new business. It can seem overwhelming sometimes. I’ve felt like I don’t know enough… yet. I’ve found myself thinking, “My God, can I possibly do this alone – all by myself? Where do I even start to put a team together?”

When I first decided to buy an apartment building I read everything I could get my hands on. I went to every free teleseminar provided by the gurus in the industry. Just like you, I studied and studied and studied.

I was determined to own an apartment building. I drove around my target neighborhood. I pictured myself owning various properties. I looked at the “dumps” and imagined how I was going to improve them. I pictured the team I would have in place… the management, the contractors, the maintenance guys. I completely envisioned myself as an apartment building owner.

I knew I was going to do this. But in order to do it, I had to take a big step over a chasm. A Grand Canyon sized chasm. Full of all kinds of opportunities to fall, fail, get lost, give up, turn away or find another route. An easier route. Like, just buying another single-family property, something I already knew how to do.

All of these thoughts were caused by the fear of a million unknown things; knowing I didn’t know everything yet, buying the wrong property, being unable to raise the money, putting a commercial real estate deal and a partnership deal together. This list was so long I’m not even going to try to duplicate here.

But, there’s one big thing I’d already done right in the past when starting new businesses. I’d hired coaches and I understood the value of having a mentor or a coach in my corner.

And this is where I suggest you begin.

You start with a coach, a mentor or a successful entrepreneur (or all three). These are the first people you need to put on your team. And, do you know what? It’s not that hard to do. When I started my multi-family investing business, I hired or enrolled all three. I hired a coach who had an expertise in coaching on psychology. I hired a coach who taught me the elements of an operating agreement so I could the lead the attorney I later hired to draft the document. I enrolled a mentor who owned a 55-unit apartment building and was thrilled to help.

On top of this great team, I found a really smart commercial broker who I trusted. He would talk about apartment buildings, markets and commercial real estate investing all day long if I let him. And as a bonus, he had a huge team behind him, which included lenders, inspectors, other mentors (no kidding!), attorneys, property managers, CPA’s, etc. He had a huge team and he was willing to share.

Start talking to everyone you know. Today. Talk to every successful businessperson and entrepreneur you know. People you already admire. Ask them who they know that might be willing to mentor you. To help you with your strategies, your focus, your psychology, and your vision.

Retired entrepreneurs are often extremely willing to help give you guidance; they may even be willing to join your team on a part time basis.

Hire a coach. Every single time I hire a coach I learn at least one thing that pays for the entire coaching session. Coaches are that valuable.

Do you see why this approach will work for any business? How the sky is the limit? Or the moon, or the stars?  Successful entrepreneurs can coach you in any business.

It’s OK to wear a lot of hats when starting a new business but you do not want to be the only person on your team.

Also, I encourage you to check out my mentoring article on Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor. Be sure to follow the links at the bottom of the post… there are at least 7 other articles on mentoring you can read.

So, it’s your turn again. Are you ready to take some action today? How about committing to something right here in the comments below? I encourage you to put it in writing — it’s an incredibly powerful first step!

Oh! If you haven’t done so already, subscribe by email to bigfishtopdogs.com over on the right sidebar of this blog… you’ll be the first to receive new posts hot off the press!

Related posts:

1. A tip for leaving your W2 job or for starting a new business
2. Starting a new business is like getting a new pet

I get a ton of traffic to my blog from people who want to know how to ask someone to be their mentor. This post is part of a series on asking someone to be your mentor. Be sure to look for the links to the related posts at the bottom of this article!

I’m a mentor and I’ve had many mentors over the last 2 decades. So I’m somewhat of an expert. I’ve also worked with some of the top mentors in the world. This is what led me to launch my Joel Comm, twitter dude, mini project.

I had the idea that I would buy Joel’s book, Twitter Power 2.0, send him a really flattering email and ask him to meet personally over coffee and give me some tips on using Twitter that would directly relate to my business. 15 minutes max.

If I liked his book – which is on a slow boat from the library right now – I would actually buy it and ask him to autograph it for me.

And, through this project, I would share with you a good example of how to ask someone to be your mentor. That was the idea anyway.

But a strange thing happened this weekend.

On Friday I had this huge flurry of new twitter followers. In the time it took me to play 9 holes of golf, 44 new people followed me. My blackberry was full of ‘em. My carefully nurtured 80 or so followers exploded in 24 hours to 191 followers.

I realize that to some of you, 80 people is a meager following — but to me it was manageable — less spam to wade through.

And I really like the people that follow me. I follow them back.

This morning, those followers all disappeared and I’m now at 131 followers. Is there a rule somewhere that I don’t know about saying you have to follow back everyone who follows you or they drop you? I really do not understand Twitter.

So, this morning I cheated and opened my free download of Twitter Power 2.0 (first two chapters). I can no longer wait for the book to arrive from the library. I want to find out the “trick” to Twitter.

I’m sad to say, Joel’s book seems outdated. I’ve read through page 74 and his tips are kind of spammy. To me this is like breaking the Cardinal rule, or something. I’m completely disillusioned. I don’t think I want to ask Joel to be a mentor after all. I should have stuck with my first instinct when I opted out of all his emails.

This project, alas, has come to an end. But I didn’t forget that I promised you some new information on asking someone to be your mentor. Here’s the email I would have sent to Joel if I hadn’t changed my mind.

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To: Joel Comm
From: Theresa Bradley-Banta
Date: Monday, August 23, 2010
Subject: Thank you for the inspiring work you do

Dear Joel,

Last October I saw you speak in Scottsdale and I was so impressed with you and the idea of blogging that I came home from the event and started my own blog — all thanks to you. You truly inspired me!

During your presentation you mentioned that you were an expert in using Twitter and that you have published two books on the topic. Since then I’ve purchased a copy of Twitter Power 2.0.

I’m writing to ask if you would be willing to spend 15 minutes with me over coffee and to do me the great honor of autographing my copy of your book? I’d love to find out who inspired you to become an expert at Twitter and to get your best advice for someone who is just starting out!”

Very truly yours,
Theresa Bradley-Banta

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And thus a great mentoring relationship is born. Or not.

On another note… I cannot find Joel’s email address anywhere, on any of his sites. I did follow him on Twitter last week so I guess if I ever decide to pursue this I could tweet him.

Oh! And one last bit of advice. Do your research before asking someone to mentor you. Be sure you are in alignment with your values, your vision and your methodology.

Buy the book!

7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor
Scripts, Tips and Tactics For Getting A Mentor

by Theresa Bradley-Banta
A BigFishTopDogs.com Publication

Other great resources for asking someone to be your mentor:

You… Just Like Clark Kent. Glasses… No Glasses.
How To Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor By Email – Part II of The Joel Comm Project
Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
Approaching Someone to be Your Mentor
How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor
Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor
5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor

Related posts:

1. Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
2. How To Think & Act Like An Entrepreneur With the Joel Comm Mini Project

You know who Clark Kent is, right? He’s the guy who, when he took off his glasses, became…

Superman!

And, why did we know Superman was a superhero? Because we were told he was. We didn’t figure it out by looking at him – the guy was, frankly, wearing a fake belt over his underwear with colored pantyhose underneath.

Yeah, right… that would be the first image that would come to my mind when I think of a superhero.

Me, as Clark Kent. This is the picture I used when I first started this blog. And I wrote just like I looked. All academic and didactic. Look at me behind those glasses, collar turned up, hidden in a scarf, under a beret… do I look like Superwoman? Someone who could start new businesses in a single bound? Make money faster than a speeding bullet? Would you follow me? Tweet me?

Actually I really love this photo because my husband took it on my Christmastime birthday trip to Manhattan… but honestly, do I look approachable?

The. Point. I’m. Trying. To. Make. Is this…

We are who we tell other people we are. If we believe we are Superman, people will follow.

We are how we see ourselves.

How we’re being. When I thought of myself in a black and white photo, not loose at all, or fun, I was being that person.

What’s the trick to being Superman, you ask?

Start a descriptive narrative of what it will feel like when you’ve “arrived”. What’s it going to look like? Breathe like? Start acting like it now. There’s not a day when it’s going to just turn on – you need to be it now.

Think of that one person who you’d love to be like… to have as your mentor. Watch them. Mimic them. How do they run their lives?

My Mom once told me there was a time when she acted like me to accomplish something… so I called her this morning and asked her about it. It was the first time she was going to speak in court as a trial attorney –she was dealing with the fear of public speaking. She was prepared, she knew what she was going to say but she needed to appear confident and unafraid. So she pretended she was me!

I’ve remembered this story all these years because I thought it was so cool that my Mom, who is awesome, would pretend for even a minute to be me.

Final thoughts. Be the person you really want to be even if it’s uncomfortable for a while. Take off your Clark Kent glasses and explore who you might be with super powers.

Can you see yourself doing this? Who do you admire? Join the conversation by leaving a comment below. Explore your super powers!

Oh! If you haven’t done so already, subscribe by email to bigfishtopdogs.com over on the right sidebar of this blog… you’ll be the first to receive new posts hot off the press!

Related posts:

1. You Are Not Your Ego — It’s An Illusion
2. Do You Wish You Were More Creative, Productive and Better Looking? #7links

If you are new to being an entrepreneur, or unclear whether you are a good candidate for having a mentor, here is an idea on how you can test the waters without getting wet.

There are many excellent teachers and leaders in all areas of life.

These individuals cover the universe of entrepreneurship.

Many of them have available CDs, DVDs and workbooks covering topics from real-estate, to personal growth, to opening a franchise, to joining a network marketing company, to operating a pet sitting service, and so on.

You can research your area of interest, find out who the top people are in that area, then search for an at home or on-line course on the skills you need to acquire proficiency in your chosen area.

Invest in the course. In other words, buy it. It is not a question of how much it cost. Entrepreneurs think in terms of investment and returns on investments.

Many of these virtual mentoring programs have step-by-step workbooks that will walk you through the fundamentals. Then, when you do decide to seek out a mentor you will be ahead of the game by having already developed a basic understanding of your chosen industry

You can then in private and at your own pace decide if having a real mentor fits your personality and plan of action.

Are you coachable?

Do you follow directions?

Are you willing to take time to carry out assignments and exercises?

If so, you can demonstrate to your mentor that you have an ability to commit time and effort in your professional development having already done so.

You will be able to approach a mentor with a clear concept of how you would like to structure a mentoring relationship.

You’ll know the areas to focus on, and be able to give your prospective mentor an idea of the time commitment.

This will also give you credibility in the mind of the mentor and show that you are serious.

Time is the most valuable asset of everyone. If you are asking someone to mentor you, you want to give him or her a high degree of confidence that the time spent together will be time well spent.

It may not be possible to guarantee results but effort can certainly be guaranteed. Make the mentoring relationship valuable for both of you.

Oh! If you haven’t done so already, subscribe by email to bigfishtopdogs.com over on the right sidebar of this blog… you’ll be the first to receive new posts hot off the press!

Other great resources for asking someone to be your mentor:

You… Just Like Clark Kent. Glasses… No Glasses.
How To Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor By Email – Part II of The Joel Comm Project
Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
Approaching Someone to be Your Mentor
How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor
Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor
5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor

Richard Banta, co-creator of BigFishTopDogs.com, has law degrees from the George Washington University and the London School of Economics, as well as street level experience as an entrepreneur, and an entrepreneur’s attorney. He is a skier, coach, attorney, entrepreneur, network marketer and blogger. You can follow him on twitter @bigfishtopdogs.

Related posts:

1. Business people, are you ready to rock your business?
2. Approaching Someone to be Your Mentor

Posted by Theresa Bradley-Banta

In our post on How To Start a Mastermind Group we talk about the concept of the mastermind, which is based on the principle that when two or more minds blend their innate thinking power, there is created a third, exponentially more powerful mind.

The key to creating a successful mastermind group is for group members to agree on a set of rules or guidelines that assure the continued success of the group.

Two rules stand out above all others.

They are:

Show up for your meetings or calls

When you commit to supporting a group such as a mastermind group, the very best thing you can do is show up for your call or meeting. Your absence from your group will significantly change the dynamics of the group.

Picture this…

Close your eyes and imagine the people in your mastermind group.

Picture them clearly in your mind — all five (or six) of you sitting in your chairs around a circle. It’s great isn’t it?

Lots of energy, synergy, good feelings. You are ready to brainstorm!

Now, picture one of those chairs suddenly empty.

Do you see how dramatically the energy just changed… with only one member absent from the mastermind group?

Participate with an attitude of, “How can I be of service to the other members of my group?”

Your attitude should never be, “here’s what I need”. When you are of unconditional service to others, the universe will guarantee that you will in turn receive the support you need.

A word of caution; this does not mean you come to a mastermind call with the thinking you do not need any help. Don’t be a martyr by saying, “there’s nothing I need help with, I’m only here to help you.”

Being vulnerable and open to suggestions is part of the mastermind process.

Two simple rules.

Guaranteed to bring success every time.

Here are some other guidelines that will also help you run a great mastermind group:

Be prepared

If your group, or a group member, shares ideas in a previous meeting, give some thought to the resources you may have that will assist the member in their professional development. You do not have to have the answers to a particular challenge but you may know someone with experience in the area, or you may know of a book that further discusses the topic.

Accountability – keep each other on target

You can bring a great deal of support to your fellow group members by helping to keep them on target. It’s a great idea to have a mutual agreement amongst members of the group that each of you are willing to be held accountable for what you commit to doing.

Remind the group members of the actions they committed to taking and ask if they are moving in the right direction. This can be done in a respectful manner and from a sincere desire to be of support.

Focus – no distractions

This means no multi tasking — working on your computer, listening to the radio, reading email messages should be saved for another time. You should have a clear phone line with no background noise — this means you’re not driving your car, or attending a ball game.

Be an enthusiastic, motivated team player

Participate in your call. Give input to the other team members when possible. Be truthful and respectful.

Build an agenda and stick to it

Your group can determine some basic rules of your meeting format. It is helpful to assign a moderator for each call. Be aware that storytelling can derail an agenda. This happens when a group member goes into a long story in order to make a point. Remember that concise is effective — you can gently guide a storyteller back on track by pointing out your time limitations.

Don’t ask too much offline or give homework assignments

Tempting though it may be, your mastermind sessions should primarily be confined to the actual meeting time set aside for the mastermind session. The whole point in masterminding is to create that third, exponentially more powerful mind.

Avoid asking individual members to tackle a problem, or give feedback, without the entire group’s involvement.

Masterminding can be a rewarding, enjoyable experience and should be a part of your entrepreneur toolbox.

Napoleon Hill, in his book Think & Grow Rich, discusses the mastermind and the mastermind process in detail. For your own free digital book download of Think & Grow Rich, subscribe by email on the left side of our site. It’s our gift to you!

Theresa Bradley-Banta, co-creator of www.bigfishtopdogs.com, is a musician, award winning graphic artist, mentor, coach, blogger, and owner of multiple businesses. You can follow her on twitter @bigfishtopdogs.

Related posts:

How To Start a Mastermind Group

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I get a ton of traffic to my blog from people who want to know how to ask someone to be their mentor. This post is part of a series on asking someone to be your mentor. Be sure to look for the links to the related posts at the bottom of this article!

In my post on How to Ask Someone to be Your Mentor I promised some additional examples of asking someone to be your mentor.

Having a mentor is an excellent way to acquire new skills and determine what skills you already possess and to explore your personal strengths and weaknesses.

A mentor can share personal experiences, be a sounding board for your ideas and give new perspectives to your strategies for achieving goals.

Here’s another approach to asking someone to be your mentor.

Find someone who has experience doing you what you want to learn about and ask for advice on a particular topic.

I recently wrote about a mentor of mine, Mike, who was investing in apartment buildings. I had experience in buying and selling single-family investment properties and decided my next step would be multi-family property investing.

In addition to doing a lot of independent research, I knew Mike would be a great resource for investing in a new asset class of real estate.

Using my friend Mike as an example, here’s an approach to asking someone to mentor you. This approach works almost every time.

Something like this,

“Mike, you are such an inspiration to me. I have some experience in real estate investing although it is limited to single-family properties. I’m very interested in learning about commercial real estate and would greatly value your expertise in buying and owning apartments buildings.

Would you be willing to guide me by telling me the top 5 things I need to know before I seriously pursue this?”

This gives me a great opportunity to start a dialog and to give Mike an idea how much I would appreciate knowing how he became successful and to find out what he would do in similar a situation, how he handled the same challenge I was currently faced with.

By approaching Mike this way, I demonstrated that I was willing to learn and accept feedback and that I had identified goals for my growth. By asking for the top 5 things I also set a limit on the amount of time I was asking of Mike — it may only take him 5 minutes to rattle them off the top of his head. He knows he is not making an open ended time commitment and will be eager to share his knowledge.

This is also a great way to see how well you work together. Was it enjoyable for both parties? If so, it is highly likely you will both want to continue the professional relationship.

Remember… Ask. Don’t hint, or dance around the topic, and don’t wait for a mentor to volunteer.

What if you don’t have any experience yet?

That’s a great question and the good news is, this approach can still work for you.

Here’s an example,

“Mike, I’m very interested in learning about commercial real estate and would greatly value your guidance in deciding if real estate investing is right for me.

Would you be willing to spend 15 minutes on the phone and tell me what, or who, inspired you to become a real estate investor and your best advice to someone who is just starting out?”

One last word…

And, I cannot repeat this enough. Always express gratitude.

Even if someone can only give you ten minutes of their time, thank them. You have made a great contact with someone whose expertise you value. Tell them so.

And finally…

It’s OK to tell someone you see him or her as a mentor. They will probably be extremely flattered, in fact, they may not think of themselves as mentor material until you plant the seed.

Don’t see what you’re looking for? Grab my FREE eCourse on Smart Tips for Getting a Mentor! This 7 part series will help you find and ask someone to be your mentor. You’ll also get 23 extraordinary questions to ask your mentor! What are you waiting for?

Buy the book!

7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor
Scripts, Tips and Tactics For Getting A Mentor

by Theresa Bradley-Banta
A BigFishTopDogs.com Publication

Other great resources for asking someone to be your mentor:

You… Just Like Clark Kent. Glasses… No Glasses.
How To Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor By Email – Part II of The Joel Comm Project
Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
Approaching Someone to be Your Mentor
How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor
Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor
5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor

Related posts:

1. Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor
2. How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor

Be sure to grab my FREE, 7 part eCourse, Smart Tips For Getting A Mentor!

*********

I get a ton of traffic to my blog from people who want to know how to ask someone to be their mentor. This post is part of a series on asking someone to be your mentor. Be sure to look for the links to the related posts at the bottom of this article!

I’ve had mentors for years and I have been a mentor for years. I’ve worked with some of the top mentors in the world. My advice on how to ask someone to be a mentor might surprise you.

In short — don’t ask someone outright to be your mentor… read on.

When I first started my real estate business I was very successful in acquiring single-family properties and duplexes at great prices.

Then I found myself dealing with tenants. I hadn’t planned on going into the property management business.

No way was that part of my plan.

My strength was in acquiring great deals and managing the asset, not the residents of the properties.

Then I met Mike O’Donnell. We were in the same group of entrepreneurs who had signed up for a year-long program with entrepreneurs from all over the country.

Mike owned a 55-unit apartment building. Wow! Until then I hadn’t even considered buying apartment buildings.

What does this story have to do with asking someone to be your mentor?

Mike was a total inspiration to me. I admired his guts in starting big in the real estate business. He completely skipped the part about cutting your teeth on single-family deals.

I wanted to know how he did it.

He had a real estate model that completely solved my problem of having to deal with the daily needs of tenants. Mike’s tenants were not calling him to complain about leaking toilets and noisy neighbors — they were calling the management company!

I wanted Mike’s expert opinion.

So… I found a few other people from the same group who were looking to buy commercial real estate properties. Not everyone was looking for apartments. One guy, Earl, was focused on buying self-storage unit properties. With his wife Jeannine, they were buying small flip house on a large scale.

I suggested to Earl & Jeannine that we start an interest based mastermind group. When I approached Mike with the idea of getting together with other like-minded people he loved the idea.

It also brought something to the table for Mike… an opportunity to brainstorm with other entrepreneurs who were investing in commercial real estate.

We met once a week by phone for about two years and shared ideas on investing in commercial property. I learned so much from those guys during that time.

You can do the same. Join a group or organization based on common interests. Create a weekly mastermind group with 5 or 6 people who have similar visions or goals. Your group can consist of all levels of ability and experience, something that would be an advantage to each member of the group.

Great tip: Invite experts or successful entrepreneurs to join your mastermind call each week to present on their area of expertise for 10 or 15 minutes.

Don’t forget, mentors can get as much value out of mentoring as the mentee does.

And, the moral to the story?

I didn’t walk up to Mike and say, “Hey, will you be my mentor?”

At the time, I wasn’t clear about what a mentor did. Mike probably wasn’t either. In fact, I feel pretty sure that if I had approached him this way, he would have been humble — and politely refused.

Here’s the thing. Asking someone straight out to be your mentor may possibly backfire unless the other person has significant experience from mentoring in the past and knows what to expect.

It’s possible Mike would have felt I was asking too much of him. He may have been concerned about what he could offer. He may have had very real concerns about the amount of time I was asking him to make available to me.

A great mentor can be the difference between success and failure.

Don’t see what you’re looking for? Grab my FREE eCourse on Smart Tips for Getting a Mentor! This 7 part series will help you find and ask someone to be your mentor. You’ll also get 23 extraordinary questions to ask your mentor! What are you waiting for?

Buy the book!

7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor
Scripts, Tips and Tactics For Getting A Mentor

by Theresa Bradley-Banta
A BigFishTopDogs.com Publication

Other great resources for asking someone to be your mentor:

You… Just Like Clark Kent. Glasses… No Glasses.
How To Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor By Email – Part II of The Joel Comm Project
Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
Approaching Someone to be Your Mentor
How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor
Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor
5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor

Related posts:

1. 5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor
2. Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor

I get a ton of traffic to my blog from people who want to know how to ask someone to be their mentor. This post is part of a series on asking someone to be your mentor. Be sure to look for the links to the related posts at the bottom of this article!

Most of the top entrepreneurs in the business world have had mentors that assisted them in their career, business or psychology. And, most of these professionals will continue to have mentors throughout their lives and will mentor others. A mentor is someone who can guide you (or take you under his or her wing) in becoming a better entrepreneur.

Here are the top 5 ways to find a mentor:

#1 Do your homework first.

Never tell a prospective mentor you are not sure how they can be of assistance to you, or that you do not have a business plan. Lay some very real groundwork on your project or idea, such as having all the financials in place, or a brochure describing your product or service. When asking someone to be your mentor, find out what you can do in preparation for a mentoring session and be willing to do the work necessary for your first call.

#2 Know yourself and your business or project.

List your strengths and weaknesses. Describe your goals, business and/or project to help clarify where a mentor can be of assistance. Write down the types of qualities you desire in a mentor. Evaluate your own personality type. Think about what you are looking for in a relationship. The clearer you are about this, the better idea you can give a mentor of what type of support you need.

#3 Use your connections.

Your alumni associations, professors, clients, social media friends & connections, all are good resources for finding a mentor.

#4 Join a group.

Utilize social media; Linkedin has numerous entrepreneur groups you can join and post a discussion. Investment groups, local business groups and networking groups have been established to gather like-minded people and to assist them in their business growth.

#5 Ask for referrals.

Tell everyone you know — your friends, family, co-workers, retired executives, neighbors — that you need a mentor. Everyone you talk to is a potential resource for finding a mentor.

Be prepared to be a good mentee. Always take the advice of a mentor seriously and follow-up on suggestions or “homework” assignments.

Lastly, don’t assume the other person has time. Don’t assume they would be a good fit for you. Don’t assume they would be willing to mentor you. Don’t assume they have a genuine interest in your growth. The best mentors share the same level of interest and commitment as you.

And, always send a thank you letter or email to everyone who supported you or mentored you.

Don’t see what you’re looking for? Grab my FREE eCourse on Smart Tips for Getting a Mentor! This 7 part series will help you find and ask someone to be your mentor. You’ll also get 23 extraordinary questions to ask your mentor! What are you waiting for?

Buy the book!

7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor
Scripts, Tips and Tactics For Getting A Mentor

by Theresa Bradley-Banta
A BigFishTopDogs.com Publication

Other great resources for asking someone to be your mentor:

You… Just Like Clark Kent. Glasses… No Glasses.
How To Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor By Email – Part II of The Joel Comm Project
Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
Approaching Someone to be Your Mentor
How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor
Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor
5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor

Related posts:

1. 5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor

I get a ton of traffic to my blog from people who want to know how to ask someone to be their mentor. This post is part of a series on asking someone to be your mentor. Be sure to look for the links to the related posts at the bottom of this article!

How would you like to have a great mentor? A mentor can help you succeed in business. A mentor can support you in almost every aspect of your life. It may be in relationships, family life, spirituality, sports, health, etc. Your mentor can guide you, be a sounding board and help you achieve your goals.

Sometimes the most challenging part is asking someone to mentor you.

Here are the 5 top strategies for asking someone to be your mentor:

#1 Bring something to the table.

Analyze what you have to offer in exchange for a mentor’s time. Do you have a database or a highly trafficked website where you can highlight the mentor’s business? Are you able to joint venture on a project by offering a resource the prospective mentor doesn’t have? For example, you have a distribution center that does not offer a product similar to the mentor’s service or product and you make your distribution center available for their product.

#2 Be complimentary.

Before approaching a prospective mentor, become familiar with their business, service or product. If they have a website, visit the site. If they speak in front of groups, attend a speaking engagement. Tell the prospective mentor what you admire about them and where you see they might be able to compliment you and your business.

#3 Ask how they got started.

This is a good reminder of the fact that they probably had mentors that helped them along the way and they may have a desire to repay the generosity of others. Ask for ideas, based on their experience, of ways you might find a mentor and how their mentor helped them. This is a way of establishing a good framework for that person’s assistance.

#4 Offer to pay.

When you are asking someone for their valuable time you should be willing to honor the value they bring to the table with some financial compensation. In all likelihood someone who is willing to mentor you will not ask to be paid for their support, but the offer to pay should be made to show that you truly value the other person’s contribution.

#5 Appeal to common interests.

Chances are you are approaching an individual because you already believe common interests exist. This could be that you both share the same level of passion for business, have the same values, belong to related industries or groups, have the same level of commitment to goals and visions, to name a few.

Lastly — don’t assume.

Don’t assume the other person has time. Don’t assume they would be a good fit for you. Don’t assume they would be willing to mentor you. Don’t assume they have a genuine interest in your growth. The best mentors share the same level of interest and commitment as you.

Don’t see what you’re looking for? Grab my FREE eCourse on Smart Tips for Getting a Mentor! This 7 part series will help you find and ask someone to be your mentor. You’ll also get 23 extraordinary questions to ask your mentor! What are you waiting for?

Buy the book!

7 Surefire Ways To Ask Someone To Be Your Mentor
Scripts, Tips and Tactics For Getting A Mentor

by Theresa Bradley-Banta
A BigFishTopDogs.com Publication

Other great resources for asking someone to be your mentor:

You… Just Like Clark Kent. Glasses… No Glasses.
How To Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor By Email – Part II of The Joel Comm Project
Are You Ready for a Mentor? Will a Mentor Be a Good Fit?
Approaching Someone to be Your Mentor
How to Ask Someone to Be Your Mentor
Top 5 Ways to Find a Mentor
5 Top Strategies for Asking Someone to Be Your Mentor

No related posts.